Exploding Aardvark

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WHO IS THIS GUY?

“I just obey the cameras.”

AND HE WAS MAKING “SLANTY EYES” TOO

“Those Oriental people work like dogs. They work their hearts out. They are workers non-stop. They sleep beside their machines. That’s why they are successful in life. I’m telling you, Oriental people, they’re slowly taking over. … They’re hard, hard workers.”
—Rob Ford, Ontario city council

BUT SCARED YANKS ARE EASIER TO MANIPULATE

In the extremely unlikely event that the mullahs are foolish enough to launch their unreliable missiles on Tel Aviv and/or Jerusalem (most likely killing tens of thousands of Muslims and destroying several major Islamic holy sites in the process), Israel will annihilate Iran. With their submarines, the Israelis can do so even if their entire […]

PHOSPHORESCENT FOOD

“We don’t hear a lot of complaints about glowing seafood, but then people rarely look at their shrimp and crab in the dark.”
—Andy Richards, seafood department manager, West Seattle Thriftway
Bonus: 1998 FDA article on glowing seafood

…

Q And one more. You mentioned that there are health benefits to climate change. Could you describe some of those?
MS. PERINO: Sure. In some cases, there are — look, this is an issue where I’m sure lots of people would love to ridicule me when I say this, but it is true that many people […]

BINGO

“Christianity: An idea so fragile that it is threatened by a fantasy movie for kids!”

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“While I can see Bill O’Reilly and others might be offended, the sisters do not meet the criteria the church has for denying Communion. Over-accessorizing and poor taste in makeup is not an excommunicable offense.”
—Rev. Jim Bretzke, professor of moral theology, in “Archbishop apologizes for giving Communion to gays dressed as nuns” (San Francisco Chronicle)

(Image […]

HOW TO BECOME A LABOR DEPT. MOUTHPIECE

4 September 2005:
“In this crisis and on TV you just need to look more hardworking … ROLL UP THE SLEEVES!”

WHITE HOUSE SHOE-IN

As you know, this administration has a strong record against flip-flops.
—White House spokeswoman Emily Lawrimore
The George Bush wears the Crocs! The Manolo is not the political person, but this is the last straw!
—The Manolo
A “shoo in” was originally a horse that was expected to win a race, not by virtue of its speed or endurance, […]

JOB DESCRIPTION

Another small step down the road to fascism