Exploding Aardvark

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HOW TO DEAL WITH AMERICAN SQUIRRELS

Redesdale, too, has planted his standard on behalf of the red army. Last year, with a grant of £148,000 from the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, he founded an organization called the Red Squirrel Protection Partnership. The work of Redesdale’s organization is different from that of S.O.S. It shoots, or traps and then […]

HOW TO FIND A DECENT DRUMMER

Frankly, it doesn’t matter what he plays like because if your band were any good you’d already know a dozen unemployed drummers. In my neighborhood, I can put an open can of tuna on the stoop and have four out-of-work drummers at my door inside of an hour.

Forgive the Drummer Some (TMN)

HOW TO BECOME A LABOR DEPT. MOUTHPIECE

4 September 2005:
“In this crisis and on TV you just need to look more hardworking … ROLL UP THE SLEEVES!”

HOW TO MAKE A LEFT TURN

Beijing Traffic Lesson: Left Turn (So I’m Going to China, via ignatz)

HOW TO PLAY GUITAR

3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH … Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn’t shake, eat another piece of bread.
Captain Beefheart’s Ten Commandments For Guitarists (Analog Industries, via Music Thing)
Previously ‘varked:

Stop the Show

MEN: WATCH THIS RIGHT NOW

Especially you. Yeah, you over there.

Dance Moves: An Emergency Guide For Men (VideoJug, via Nag on the Lake)

THE “OTAY” TAG: AN INTRODUCTION

Dead Deer Can’t Kick (”As promised, here’s a second excerpt from I. Lewis {’Scooter’} Libby’s epic love story, The Apprentice. The sex of the deer is never specified, but it is certainly a doe.”) [stories politics usa deer sex otay]
CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE AN ENTIRE PARALLEL UNIVERSE [otay]
McCain courting crucial Death Star vote (STAND THE […]

WHAT IS IT?

Click here to find out. (Via Growabrain.)

HOW TO BECOME VERY SMALL

Feeling huge and bloated? Watch this video and be transformed in less than a minute and a half.

Some stars and planets in scale (Google Video, via Posthuman Blues)

WRITING ADVICE

Alcohol is not your friend. Meth is your enemy. Cigars are neutral. Computers are overrated. Haste is overrated. Sloth is just as bad as haste. Ten words are better than ten thousand, if those ten are right and the ten thousand are wrong. Personal experience is useless if you cannot leverage it with imagination. If […]