Cantonese is essentially what everyone else in China calls swearing.
Welsh is essentially what appears on the screen after you have inadvertently been resting your elbow on the keyboard.
French is essentially a language that elides everything that doesn’t get out of the way fast enough, and nasalises everything else.
English is essentially the noise made by people who don’t believe you can use language but want your stuff handed over politely.
I think Bill Bryson says Dutch is essentially English and German spoken simultaneously with a mouth full of frites.