Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, a 42-year-old New Jersey man who is running under the Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party, is currently being investigated by the Secret Service for potential threats toward President George W. Bush.
According to Sharkey, Secret Service agents visited him and his 19-year-old wife, Spree, in Ohio on Feb. 15. The visit concerned Sharkey’s repeated remarks about impaling Bush, an act Sharkey said he would only do if he were elected president.
“They never even asked to see my impaling stick,” Sharkey said.
Secret Service investigates santanic [sic] vampire (Columbia Chronicle, via Pharyngula)
The Impaler for President 2008 (warning: auto-music of awesomeness)
Previously ‘varked:
I don’t want to impugn our new bloodsucking overlord, but his impaling stick looked pretty lame to me. You want something like a lodge pole, solidy planted. The whole point, if you’ll pardon the awful pun, is not the convenience of the victim, which is what that portable impaling stick implies, but a grand guignol public spectacle of horror — a threatre of cruelty, if you will. Now I realize that his currently limited constituent base doesn’t give him much scope for making a proper show of it, but a robust impaling or two will surely take care of that.